I am NOT the next Biggest Loser (part II)

So, I get the call-back-call and...even though I'm not supposed to tell anyone I just HAD to tell SOMEONE!!!

(Well...let me clarify...she basically said I could tell my immediate family...those who "needed" to know, but that they couldn't tell anyone and I was to keep this to keep it to a minimum.)

And you know now....when you REALLY need to get a hold of someone.....is the time that you CANNOT.      Oh geeeez!......but......I have this pent up energy inside of me and when I shouted

"MOMMY GOT A CALL-BACK" 

to my kids who were 1/2 asleep in the back of the van....they just didn't get it! So, I cheated and called a couple of friends and SWORE them to secrecy. That was supposed to appease the excitement gods writhing in my belly, but....I think it only fed them!!!! I was totally freaking out! Plus...I was literally in the middle of Iowa and I didn't know whether to keep driving or stop and turn around!!!
My mom finally called me back and after she calmed down from hearing the news, we decided that I should finish the trip...let the kids hang up there and I would go back for the interview on my own. At that point it wouldn't have affected my driving time for the night, it would have been the same distance to finish the trip or turn around and it also allowed me to keep on the down-low while I was back in KC.

I arrived in MN just a bit after 1am on Sunday morning...the 1st of July....the same day I was going to have to drive BACK down to KC to make my 10am interview the next Monday morning! So, I tried to sleep-- but you know that was pretty much useless. When I got up the next morning I had a ton to do....BESIDES driving for another 8-10 hours. I was equally as un-excited about the drive back as I was EXcited about the call back interview. But before I could leave I needed to acquire photos that would best describe my fat-girl journey and also fill out a 10 PAGE interview application!!! Most people are at home while doing this and I was not only on 'vacation' but I needed to be on the road....again!!! Plus, this was my first day back up in MN and I wanted to be with family who were stopping by to see me and they were oblivious to my need to shut-up in a room and write out this application! I'm sure they were thinking:
(And- why are all of these photos of Jessica "grOWING" throughout the years spread all over the the table?)

I didn't manage to leave by my goal time of 4 pm...I think it was more like 6 or so....which was going to put me in KC at 2a.m instead of 12a.m. (Unfortunately, I had to make a few extra pit stops to avoid SHAT-TING my pants because I was.....well......having some prollems!) This put me in KC at about FOUR a.m with still a few things to do to be ready for my interview...a few more pics to gather and such. I should have just stayed up at this point, but I just needed to close my eyes for a moment so....I took a little cat nap from 6:30-8 before I had to get ready.
Getting ready: not much to say, except I wore my hair down & curly with a little braid in the front...nothing much different than I would wear on my occasional 'hair-down' days :)
What to WEAR however was another thing!!! I was told that I needed to wear something 'form-fitting', not. white.... and jewel tones were best. During my earlier call Ashley had said: 'we want to see your body...don't wear a flowy top and spanks"...I replied "OH, so....not what I wore today to the casting call!?!?!? hahaa!!"
I had a pair of capri pants that I wore last year that were pretty much jeggings at that point (a good 25+ pounds up from the last time they adorned my body)...and were 'outlaw'd' to the ever-growing-never-wear-in-public pile accumulating in my closet!

ON THEY WENT! 

And a 'form fitting' purple top that had also been shoved to the back of my closet. 

I really did think about just bringing this shin-dig along with me and changing in the bathroom of the hotel so no one had to see me....BUT- I was about to sign on to show in which I would divulge my blubber to all of america so....I guess I just, swallowed my pride and waddled on forth!

I was pushing it time wise, I had to stop by Walgreens and pic up the photos ordered for the interview before heading to the hotel. It was nearly 1/2 way there when I realized I didn't have my phone. ShItOWsKI!!!!! Are you serious???? On THIS day I have to do something like THIS???? 

 Jessica-  you stank it up pretty awesome sometimes, but seriously...today....when this amazing opportunity awaits you...you forget the phone with which they are going to call you on to tell you which room to come to!?!?!?

I had no choice but to turn around, get my phone (which I'd left on my counter after one last mirror check), make the shameful "I'm-running-late" phone call and just GET there!!! I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes before my interview time but instead made it JUST on time. Then I text them to let them know I was there...as asked.
Then I waited a few minutes and didn't hear anything.
Checked my phone....
GEEZ!!!!!---- I'd texted a guy from my church who I'd been matched up with for some budget counseling!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, again...I texted the RIGHT person and a few seconds later they summoned me up!!!





AND....I'll leave it at that for tonight.....Part III should finish it up!!!!  ;)

I am NOT the next Biggest Loser (part I)

I really never would have thought that auditioning for The Biggest Loser would even be a viable option for me. I am newly single and, in the least, it would mean leaving all three of my kids with their father, who is very capable but I would assume that would just be too much to ask. That is until I randomly threw it out there one day and his response startled me. It was: "you should totally do it! If you got on the show we would make it work!" So, what was in my mind as a "what if"  became a "will do." And quickly I might add. The Kansas City casting call was less than a couple of weeks after that conversation. 

My plans for that weekend were to be heading up to Minnesota for my summer visit, so I had to let my mom in on my attempts--she was all for it too.

All I needed for the casting call was myself, a head shot photo, and an application that was handed out once we got there- and there was PLENTY of time to fill that out while we waited...and sweated...and waited...and waited...and sweated some more! It was June 30th and 100+ temps and we were standing outside of Nebraska Furniture Mart for HOURS! Aside from being miserably hot, it was actually really fun. And a bit freeing. I was standing there with nearly 800 people who were all there for one reason. We were fat and we're hoping to do something about it. Normally in a crowd, as a fat person, I'm very self-conscious--trying my best to conceal what is literally bursting at the seams. (it seems silly to even try, but I do.) I would explain it as this constant underlying feeling or energy that wishes for my presence to be different that it is. The sad part is, that on some level, this means that I'm focusing more negative energy on myself rather than on loving and sharing life freely with other people. Freedom. Freedom to love--without fear--of what someone else thinks of me...and to believe that they could love me back, with all of my imperfections (whether I'm fat or not.) This the goal here. On that hotter than hell day, I was not alone in this. There were several of us standing in line together that got to chatting and it was fun to get to know them and spend the day with them....in our own fabulously-fat-freedom kind of way! :)

SO, after standing in line for about 7 hours, we finally reached our destination. This part is short and sweet, cuz the interview...was short. and. sweet. 

20 people entered into a curtained partition in two groups of ten, one with each casting director. We were told to go down the line and give them our vitals: Name, age, occupation and why we wanted to be on the show. THAT. WAS. IT. Needless to say...it was a bit of a let down. As I walked out of there I remember thinking: how in the world do they choose call backs from that!? Out of 800 people, they were to narrow the group down to 25 individuals whom they would call back to interview on camera. I couldn't imagine there being any rhyme or reason to their method and CERTAINLY could not imagine me making that cut....not off of the tiny bit I said....so....I packed up the car and headed up to Minnesota.

It was about 9:06pm (about 1/2 way through my trip) when my phone lit up with an L.A. California area code!!!!!!!! WHAT!?!?!!!!! I immediately started hyperventilating and answered the phone with a completely fakishly calm tone: hello? It was Ashely, one of the casting directors, and she said she wanted to invite me for a call back interview! I think I said something like: 'what!? Are you serious!!!!' then I laughed and said: 'I am 1/2 way up to Minnesota already!!" She was confused because she thought I was from Kansas City. I explained that I was but since I was not counting on a call back, I'd left for my regular trip to MN to see family because on the "off chance" that I got a call back I would just drive back. Never did I think this would happen...but, there I was...in the twilight-zone-of-biggest-loser-possibility! 

And in that place I remained for the next 7 weeks...one day...and 20+ hours.

 (I just now counted that...don't think I was that obsessed! haha)

The next few days where a complete whirlwind which involved nearly 40 hours of driving through 4 states (four times each), call back preparations, a 1+ hour on camera interview/blubber reveal and a broken down car to boot! But I'll leave that for part II. Cuz I'm tired just writing THIS part!!!

CharMiNgLY QUirKy

So, the other day I was having one of those silly conversations with a friend. It was regarding the topic of 'social awkwardness.'  We were debating whether we were in the club or not. (Admit it, you've wondered too.) Am I socially awkward!? No.....certainly not, we'd decided. Sure, we're silly...a little weird...and not afraid to share that with random others who cross our paths and especially those we've become closer to,...but not socially awkward. Just...a little....quirky! That's it! QUIRKY! But not just quirky....it's a likeable kind of quirky....the kind that is nice and happy and silly and unique and genuine. It's...... charming. Charmingly Quirky. THATS IT! We're not socially awkward....we're: 

 CharMiNgLY QUirKy

 "I'm keeping it!" I told her as we settled on our title....then we made it art (see below) and later, she signed me on to blogspot.com, and I registered for this here blog! So...there it is....my first blog! It might be my only....or maybe the first of a million. Only time, and my charmingly quirky ways, will tell!